Grief Is Not Love Lost — It’s Love Changing Shape

Written By Melissa Hull

For a long time, I believed grief was love with nowhere to go. It sounded right, and it echoed the emptiness I felt after losing Drew. But over time — through stillness, through tears, through listening for what couldn’t be heard with ears — I began to understand something deeper.

Grief isn’t love lost. It’s love changing shape. It’s love that still exists — quietly, fiercely, and faithfully — searching for the place it’s always belonged. Not a void. Not an ending. Just love stretching beyond the limits of form, waiting to be felt in new ways.

Understanding How Grief Transforms Love

When Drew passed, the pain was unspeakable. I reached for him in every way I knew how, and for a while, all I found was silence. The emptiness was overwhelming, as if everything familiar had been hollowed out. But in time, something shifted.

I stopped trying to call him back into this world and started listening for where he now lived. And slowly, I began to feel him again — not in the way I once had, but in the way he is now.

That’s when I realized: grief is not the absence of love. It’s the ache of its continued presence. Love doesn’t die with the body. It becomes something we carry — not in our arms, but in our breath, our memories, our quiet moments of knowing. Grief is love’s longing, not for the past, but for reunion — for recognition of what still is.

This isn’t to deny the pain. I would never do that. Grief is painful because love is real. But pain isn’t the whole truth. Beneath it is a deeper current — one that whispers of connection, not separation.

Practical Ways to Transform Grief Into Healing Love

Grieving isn’t just about getting through the pain — it’s about finding new ways to love and honor the person who’s gone. Here are some practical steps that helped me, and I hope they help you, too.

1. Create Rituals That Honor Them

Rituals don’t have to be elaborate. They just have to be meaningful. I found peace in simple practices like:

  • Lighting a candle for Drew and sitting with my memories.

  • Writing letters to him when I felt the ache of his absence most deeply.

  • Creating a memory box filled with things that remind me of him — notes, photos, small mementos.

Rituals provide structure for grief. They give your love a place to go.

2. Speak Their Name Out Loud

So often, we shy away from saying their name because it hurts or because we worry it will upset others. But naming them is a way of acknowledging their continued presence. I say Drew’s name often. I speak to him as if he’s just in another room — because, in a way, he is.

3. Embrace Their Presence in New Ways

Love doesn’t just vanish. It shifts, changes form, but it’s still here. Try to:

  • Pay attention to dreams or signs that make you feel their presence.

  • Journal your thoughts and feelings and ask for guidance. Sometimes, the answers come in subtle ways.

  • Listen to music or visit places that held meaning for you both. It’s not about trying to relive the past but feeling their presence in the now.

4. Allow Yourself to Feel Everything

Grief is messy and unpredictable. Some days, it’s a gentle ache. Other days, it’s a storm. Give yourself permission to feel whatever comes up. Cry, scream, laugh — there’s no right or wrong way to grieve.

5. Turn Pain Into Purpose

For me, writing has been a lifeline. Pouring my heart out on the page is how I process pain and how I reach Drew in ways words can’t explain. Maybe for you, it’s art, music, serving others, or starting something meaningful in their name. Find a way to honor them that feels true to who you are.

The Shift From Pain to Peace

Love, I’ve come to know, isn’t bound by time or distance. It doesn’t live only in what we can touch. Love is energy. It’s soul. It flows freely — before, during, and after our time in these bodies.

When we begin to trust that, grief softens. It becomes less of a wall and more of a window. The pain doesn’t vanish, but it changes. It becomes a reminder that love is still reaching for us, still calling our name, still asking us to remember: I’m not gone. I’m just different now.

My journey with Drew taught me that grief is not the end of love. It’s part of its evolution. I no longer reach for what was — I listen for what is. And in doing so, I’ve found that Drew is not lost. He’s closer than ever, just in a way my heart had to learn to feel.

Practical Tips for Navigating Grief

  • Start a Grief Journal: Write daily or whenever emotions feel overwhelming. Let yourself pour it all out.

  • Create a Memory Garden: Plant flowers or a tree in their honor. Tend to it and feel them there with you.

  • Talk About Them: Whether it’s with family, friends, or even out loud to yourself. Keeping their memory alive is part of healing.

  • Join a Support Group: Finding others who understand your pain can be life-changing. You’re not alone.

  • Give Yourself Grace: Healing is not linear. It’s okay to have setbacks. Be gentle with yourself.

Remember: Grief Is Not Where Love Stops

Grief, then, is not where love stops. It’s where it begins again.

I hope that if you’re grieving right now, you can feel a little less alone. And I hope you know that your love is not wasted or lost. It’s just finding new ways to be felt, to be heard, to be known.

Have you experienced moments where grief transformed into something beautiful? I’d love to hear your story.

Let's Stay Connected!

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Wherever you are on your healing journey, know that you’re not alone.


Melissa Hull
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