Face the Tough Stuff
Facing the hardest truths of grief can feel like reaching into a bowl of fishhooks. Every tug reveals sharp pain, tangled stories, and hidden emotions you thought you’d left behind.
Yes, this work hurts. But awareness gives you power—the power to choose which stories to keep, which to release, and how to step forward. Healing isn’t easy. It’s messy, frustrating, and full of unexpected barbs. Yet, every hook you face is an act of courage.
You don’t have to do it alone.
Chapter 12: Awareness
Awareness is often the first step toward real healing. It helps us understand not only our current struggles but also where they come from. Many of the reactions we have today—whether it’s to noise, mess, conflict, or even silence—are not random. They are often tied to unprocessed experiences from our past.
Becoming aware of those connections allows us to pause, choose differently, and begin to heal both our present and our past.
Here are a few practices to help you build awareness and put it into action:
1. Ground Yourself in the Moment
When you feel triggered or reactive, pause and notice what’s happening in your body. Do you feel tension, heat, or shakiness?
Place both feet firmly on the ground.
Take three slow, deep breaths.
Notice your surroundings—the ground beneath you, the air on your skin, the sounds around you.
Grounding helps your nervous system regulate so you can respond instead of react.
2. Create a Personal Timeline
Understanding your triggers begins with seeing their roots.
Draw a simple timeline of your life.
Mark significant emotional events—especially moments connected to fear, shame, anger, or sadness.
Look for patterns: Do certain themes keep repeating?
Circle the events that feel most connected to your current struggles.
This process helps you see how past experiences may be shaping today’s reactions.
3. Play the Tetherball Exercise
Imagine yourself as a tetherball. Every time someone hits you, you swing around the pole—but no matter how hard you try, you can’t go beyond the length of the rope. That rope represents a limiting belief or fear holding you back.
Ask yourself:
What does the rope represent?
What or who keeps pulling you back?
If you could cut the rope, where would you go? What would it feel like?
This visualization helps uncover hidden beliefs and imagine freedom beyond them.
4. Journal With Curiosity, Not Judgment
Awareness deepens when we give ourselves space to reflect without criticism.
Try journaling with prompts like:
“When I feel triggered, my body feels…”
“A recurring thought I notice is…”
“This may be teaching me that…”
Over time, this practice shifts self-talk from judgment (“I can’t believe I did that again”) to curiosity (“What is this showing me about myself?”).
Why This Matters
Awareness isn’t about shame or blame. It’s about shining a light on what has been hidden so you can choose differently. Each time you pause, reflect, and connect the dots, you’re breaking old cycles and creating space for healing.
Healing happens one moment of awareness at a time.
Awareness is both the mirror that reflects your truth and the light that guides you forward.
Begin with one practice today—grounding, a timeline, tetherball, or journaling—and let awareness open the door to healing.
Chapter 13: Grace
Grace — Tools for Practice
Grace is not something you wait for; it’s something you practice. Here are simple, tangible ways to begin:
1. Flip the Script on Your Inner Critic
When your inner voice says, “You should have known better,” ask yourself:
If someone I love were in this situation, would I judge them as harshly?
Would I punish them forever?
If this were my child, sibling, or best friend, what would I say instead?
This exercise interrupts self-blame and invites a more compassionate perspective.
2. The Childhood Photo Practice
Keep a photo of yourself as a child. Each time guilt, regret, or shame surfaces:
Look at that younger version of you.
Speak to them with tenderness: “You deserve love. You are safe with me. You don’t have to be perfect.”
Let this remind you that you still deserve unconditional love and care.
3. Grace in Everyday Moments
Grace isn’t only for grief—it shows up in daily life. Try:
Taking a breath instead of berating yourself when mistakes happen.
Releasing “shoulds” and honoring how you actually feel today.
Mirroring back the same kindness you easily extend to others.
4. Redefine Forgiveness
Forgiveness doesn’t erase the past—it changes your relationship with it. Grace opens the door to that freedom. Remind yourself:
This event does not define my worth.
I can let go of blame without letting go of love.
Forgiveness is not forgetting—it’s choosing peace over punishment.
Grace is an active choice.
Each time you extend compassion to yourself, you strengthen resilience and create space for healing.
Part 1 | Chapter 3: Preparation
Trigger Journal: A Tool for Gentle Awareness
Grief can feel like landmines hidden in everyday life—unexpected, destabilizing, and deeply painful. One of the most helpful things you can do is begin to notice what stirs you up and what settles you down. A Trigger Journal helps you track both your triggers and your tools for healing.
This is not about fixing yourself.
It’s about learning yourself—with kindness.
Why Keep a Trigger Journal?
To understand what disrupts your emotional balance
To identify people, places, and activities that feel grounding
To prepare for emotional moments before they spiral
To discover what actually helps (vs. what you think should help)
How to Start Your Trigger Journal
You don’t need a fancy setup. A notebook, notes app, or even sticky notes will do. The goal is simply to record what you notice—no judgment, no pressure to analyze.
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1. My Safe List (comforts, stabilizers, grounding tools)
Think: What brings me calm? When do I feel most like myself?Examples:
Sitting in the sun
Writing in my journal
Talking with someone who listens well
Listening to worship music
Standing in my garden
2. My Trigger List (destabilizers, painful reminders, emotional landmines)
Think: What tends to knock me off balance, emotionally or physically?
Examples:
Certain places (e.g., an old school, hospital, store)
Dates or times of day
Certain conversations or smells
Social media memories
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Use quick journal entries like these:
“Today, I broke down after hearing a song that reminded me of ___. Didn’t expect that.”
“Ran into someone who didn’t know what happened. It wrecked me.”
“Watched the hummingbirds today—felt peace for the first time in days.”
You’re not looking for patterns right away. Just record. Over time, clarity will emerge.
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Once a week (or whenever you feel ready), ask yourself:
What moments brought me peace this week?
What things unsettled me—and why might that be?
What helped bring me back to center after I was triggered?
What didn’t help at all, even though I hoped it would?
This isn’t about fixing. It’s about knowing. The better you know your emotional terrain, the more gently you can move through it
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Start preparing ahead of time for days or events you know may be hard.
Example:
Upcoming Trigger: A birthday/anniversary
Preloaded Tools: Cancel plans. Journal. Light a candle. Take a walk. Be with one safe person.
Keep It Simple
This is your safe place. There are no “wrong” entries. No perfect method. Just you, showing up to yourself with honesty and grace.
Healing doesn’t demand that you avoid the pain—just that you walk through it with awareness and love.
Part 1 | Chapter 4: Progress
Internal Check-Ins: A Gentle Practice for Noticing Your Progress
Healing often happens quietly. In the background. Without fanfare. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t happening.
An Internal Check-In is a simple, intentional way to pause and notice how far you've come—even when it feels like you haven’t moved at all. It invites you to reflect, reconnect, and realign.
Why Practice Internal Check-Ins?
To notice growth that’s easy to overlook
To reconnect with your body, mind, and heart
To offer yourself compassion and care
To mark your healing—not just your hurting
Part 1 | Chapter 5: Acceptance
Journaling for Healing: A Compassionate Guide
Journaling isn’t just about recording your life—it’s about processing it.
For those walking through grief, trauma, or emotional overwhelm, journaling can be a powerful tool for healing. It helps you make sense of chaos, express what feels unspeakable, and gently reframe your story at your own pace.
Why Journaling Helps
Research and lived experience both point to the same truth: writing helps.
Processes emotion: Writing gives your brain a safe space to unpack big feelings.
Reduces emotional overwhelm: You can release thoughts instead of carrying them.
Supports trauma recovery: Studies show expressive writing can reduce symptoms of depression, anxiety, and PTSD.
Changes your brain: Functional MRI research reveals journaling actually rewires the brain areas tied to emotional regulation.
Reframes your story: Over time, your journal becomes a witness to your resilience.
Your Journal, Your Way
There’s no right way to journal. If a blank page feels intimidating, give yourself permission to play. Let your journal be a space of exploration, not perfection.
Try any of the following:
Daily pages – Write anything and everything, stream-of-consciousness style.
Letters to someone (or no one) – Write to a lost loved one, your younger self, or even an empty mailbox.
Lists – What you’re grateful for, what hurts, what you miss, what you’ve survived.
Poetry + songwriting – If prose feels stiff, sing or shape your sorrow into rhythm.
Fictional worlds – Write your way into a world that feels safer.
Dialogues – Speak with your grief, your joy, your fear, your healing self.
Prompts to Get You Started
If you're feeling stuck, begin here:
“Right now, I feel…”
“The thing I’m avoiding writing about is…”
“What I wish I could say out loud is…”
“Today I want to remember…”
“This memory keeps coming back…”
“One thing I know for sure, even in the middle of this, is…”
Gentle Journaling Tips
Write without censoring yourself. Let it be messy, raw, honest.
Don’t worry about grammar or punctuation.
If it gets too heavy, take a break. Come back later.
If you’re scared to read it back—don’t. You’re allowed to write and never revisit the page.
Let the page hold your pain so you don’t have to carry it all alone.