Navigating Holidays After Loss: New Traditions, Same Love

Written By Melissa Hull

Holidays have a rhythm. They’re built on traditions that repeat year after year — the same recipes, the same decorations, the same gatherings. For many of us, that rhythm is comforting. But when you’ve lost someone you love, the rhythm can feel broken. What once felt joyful can suddenly feel painful, even impossible.

That’s the challenge of holidays after loss: the old traditions don’t feel the same, but the idea of letting them go feels unthinkable. It can leave you wondering, How do I keep moving forward without leaving my loved one behind?

In the years after I said goodbye to Drew, I wrestled with that very question. At first, every holiday felt like a reminder of what was missing. But slowly, I discovered that while some traditions no longer worked, new ones could be created — not to replace the old, but to carry the love forward in a way that felt true to who we are now.

Why Traditions Feel So Tender

Traditions are more than habits. They’re touchstones. They’re the practices that anchor us to belonging, to family, to memory. When someone we love dies, those touchstones can feel jagged. What once held joy can feel like a reminder of absence.

But here’s the truth I’ve learned: grief doesn’t mean traditions have to end. It just means they sometimes need to evolve. Love doesn’t leave us — and neither should the celebrations that remind us of it. They may look different, but they can still carry meaning, beauty, and connection.

Small Shifts, Big Meaning

Creating new traditions doesn’t require reinventing everything. Sometimes it’s the smallest shifts that bring the greatest comfort.

- A Candle of Remembrance: Each year, light a candle before a holiday meal and take a moment of silence or gratitude for your loved one.
- A Place on the Tree: Hang an ornament that symbolizes them. Over time, it becomes part of your family’s holiday story.
- Their Favorite Song: Play their favorite holiday song before opening gifts, letting their joy become part of the celebration.

From the moment life changed with Drew’s loss, we began adding touches like these to keep him included. They don’t erase the ache, but they weave love into the holiday in a way that feels tender and true.

Turning Absence Into Presence

One of the most healing discoveries for me has been that I don’t have to pretend nothing has changed — because everything has. But I also don’t have to let grief take away the joy of the season. By creating new ways to honor Drew, his presence remains part of our holidays.

In my own home, one of the traditions that warms my heart most is hanging photos of all of my children on our Christmas tree each year. Each picture, each little face looking back at me, reminds me of the love that has shaped my life. When I place Drew’s photo on the tree alongside his siblings, it reminds me that the holidays aren’t about the “things” we give. They’re about the love we share inside these moments.

That simple act turns absence into presence. It transforms the ache into gratitude. It reminds me that my family’s story is still whole — not because nothing has changed, but because love never left.

The Courage to Change

For many, the hardest part is giving yourself permission to change traditions. It can feel like a betrayal, as if letting go of “the way it was” means letting go of your loved one. But that’s not true.

Creating new traditions doesn’t replace the old love. It carries it. It acknowledges that grief has changed us — and so our celebrations will change too.

Sometimes that looks like scaling back, simplifying, or choosing only what feels manageable. Sometimes it looks like inventing something entirely new. Either way, it’s an act of courage: choosing love in a new form.

Anchoring in What Matters

The deeper I go into this journey, the more I realize that traditions aren’t about perfection or performance. They’re about connection.

For me, my faith has been my anchor in that. My belief in God and in Jesus reassures me that love never ends, and that Drew’s spirit is still present, even in celebrations that look different than I once imagined. But I also know that grounding can look different for everyone. Some people find it in reflection, storytelling, meditation, or simply slowing down.

What matters isn’t the form — it’s the intention. When we pause to include the love that remains, we discover that connection can be just as strong in new traditions as it was in the old.

Practical Ideas for New Traditions

If you’re searching for inspiration this year, here are a few gentle ideas to help bring your loved one into the season in new ways:

- Gratitude Sharing: Before a meal, invite each person to share one way they’re grateful for the love of the person you’re missing.
- Legacy Giving: Choose a small act of generosity in their honor — donate, volunteer, or extend kindness to someone who needs it.
- Story Ornament: Each year, write down a favorite memory on a card and tuck it into a clear ornament. Over time, the tree fills with their story.
- A Walk Together: Take a family walk on the holiday and share memories along the way. Simple, but powerful.

These traditions don’t take away the loss, but they add love back into the holiday rhythm.

Same Love, New Traditions

What I’ve come to realize is this: traditions may change, but the love doesn’t. The love remains, steady and eternal, waiting to be expressed in new ways.

The holidays are not about recreating what once was. They’re about finding ways to honor what still is. And even in grief, there is so much love still here — waiting to be remembered, spoken, and celebrated.

When I look at my tree filled with the faces of my children, I feel wealthy beyond measure. Each photo is a reminder that the greatest abundance isn’t in the presents under the tree, but in the presence of love we carry forward.

If you’re entering the holidays with an ache in your heart, know this: it’s okay to feel that way. It’s also okay to change things. To do less. To do them differently. To create something new.

Ask yourself: What tradition could I create this year that carries love forward?

Because traditions are not about what has been lost. They’re about what remains. And when we let love guide us, the holidays — even in grief — can still hold joy, connection, and meaning.

The traditions may be new. But the love is the same.

Stay Connected

I’d love to keep the conversation going. Whether you’re looking for free resources, inspiration, healing tools, or want to dive deeper through my courses and podcast — there’s a space for you here:

Wherever you are on your healing journey, know that you’re not alone.

Melissa Hull
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Gifts That Can’t Be Wrapped: Finding New Ways to Honor Love During the Holidays