When Grief Becomes a Path to Leadership: Finding Purpose After Loss

When loss first comes, it feels like everything ends. The world you knew stops turning, and the life you imagined dissolves. That’s how I felt the day my four-year-old son, Drew, died in an accidental drowning. There is no way to prepare for that kind of heartbreak. The silence in my home, the absence of his laughter, the aching weight in my chest — it all felt unbearable.

But that wasn’t the only grief that reshaped me. I’ve also grieved the ending of a marriage, the betrayal of trust, and the loss of relationships I thought were forever. Those experiences didn’t come with memorial services or casseroles from neighbors, but they carried grief all the same. A divorce or breakup can leave you questioning your worth, your future, and the love you thought you could count on.

Whether it’s death, divorce, or a dream that collapses, grief has many forms. And yet, in every form, it has the potential to become a teacher — not one we ask for, but one that reshapes us into people we never imagined we could be.

Grief as a Catalyst

Something remarkable happens in the aftermath of loss: we begin to see what truly matters. Loss strips away the nonessential. It clarifies priorities. It pushes us to ask, “Now what? What will I do with this life that remains?”

That’s where leadership begins — not on a stage or with a microphone, but in the quiet decision to take what broke us and allow it to build something new.

Throughout history, some of the most influential leaders were born from grief:

- Candy Lightner founded Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) after her 13-year-old daughter was killed by a drunk driver. Her heartbreak led to a movement that changed laws and saved countless lives.
- John Walsh, after the abduction and murder of his son Adam, became one of the nation’s strongest advocates for missing children, turning personal devastation into protection for others.
- Scarlett Lewis created the Jesse Lewis Choose Love Movement after losing her son in the Sandy Hook school shooting, bringing social-emotional education to classrooms worldwide.

These leaders didn’t choose grief. But they did choose to let grief shape their purpose.

My Own Turning Point

After Drew died, I thought my story was over. But slowly, I began to understand that my story wasn’t ending — it was being rewritten.

The ache I felt wasn’t love without direction. It was my soul’s reminder that love had never left. Love was still here, surrounding me, within me, and woven into every memory and every breath. That ache was calling me to align with the truth that connection doesn’t end. It changes form, but it remains eternal.

From that place of alignment, I began to write, to serve, and eventually to create my book Dear Drew: Creating a Life Bigger Than Grief. Every page of that book is proof that when we attune ourselves to the love that remains, grief doesn’t confine us — it expands us.

The same has been true in my personal life after divorce. That kind of loss forced me to rebuild my identity, my self-worth, and my vision for the future. It taught me to lead myself before I could lead anyone else — to rebuild from a place of honesty, resilience, and faith.

Loss has pushed me to become more than I thought I could be. And I’ve seen that same transformation in others.

Leadership Doesn’t Always Mean a Stage

When people hear the word “leadership,” they often imagine global movements or nonprofit organizations. But leadership after loss can look much smaller — and just as powerful.

It might be:
- A mother raising surviving children with tenderness and courage, teaching them that joy and sorrow can coexist.
- A divorced woman creating a new vision for her life, refusing to let betrayal define her future.
- A widower starting a neighborhood group to support others who feel alone.

Leadership is simply the act of transforming your pain into purpose and letting your life speak hope into the world around you.

Carrying Love Forward

One of the greatest lies of grief is that moving forward means leaving your loved one behind. I have learned the opposite. Creating a bigger life means carrying them with you — into your choices, your rituals, your purpose.

For me, Drew is with me every time I speak about water safety. He’s with me when I meet a grieving parent and can say, “I understand.” He’s with me in the pages of my book and the mission of my work.

And in the grief of divorce, carrying love forward has meant honoring the lessons — the hard truths that reshaped me into someone stronger, wiser, and more compassionate.

Moving forward doesn’t erase what was lost. It expands what was loved.

Practical Ways to Expand After Loss

Here are a few ways I’ve seen people (myself included) create lives bigger than their grief:

1. Start where you are. Your grief doesn’t need to become a global movement to matter. Begin with one small act that honors your love — writing, volunteering, mentoring, or simply showing up for someone else who is hurting.
2. Transform anniversaries into legacies. Instead of dreading birthdays, anniversaries, or painful reminders, turn them into rituals of remembrance: plant trees, run races, start scholarships, or gather family in their honor.
3. Let grief become fuel. The energy of grief is heavy, but it’s also powerful. Channel it into creativity, advocacy, or rebuilding your own life in alignment with who you are now.
4. Find your voice. Tell your story — in conversation, in writing, on a stage, in a journal. Every time you speak your truth, you lead.

A Bigger Life Is Still Possible

If you are standing in the middle of grief today — from a death, a divorce, or a heartbreak that feels like it has undone you — I want you to hear this: your life is not over.

Grief is not the final chapter. It’s the turning point.

It may feel impossible now, but grief can expand you. It can show you who you are when everything else is stripped away. It can call you into leadership, into service, into a life that carries love forward in ways you never expected.

I know this because I’ve lived it. I have built a bigger life not in spite of grief, but because of it. And if grief has the power to remake me, it has the power to remake you too.

Your grief does not diminish you. It can be the very thing that enlarges you. And when you allow that transformation, you don’t just survive — you lead.