The Empty Chair at the Table: Keeping Love Present in Holiday Celebrations

Written By Melissa Hull

The holidays arrive each year wrapped in expectation — joy, laughter, togetherness. But if you’ve lost someone you love, they also arrive with an ache. The very traditions that once brought comfort can feel incomplete. The favorite recipe, the carols, the decorations — they all highlight the space where your loved one should be.

I know this feeling well. Since losing my son Drew, every holiday season has carried both joy and tenderness. There’s a chair at my table that reminds me of him — not because he is missing, but because his love is forever woven into our family story.

The empty chair doesn’t have to be a symbol of absence. It can be a way of saying: love is still here, and it still belongs at this table.

Redefining the Empty Chair

Holidays amplify whatever we feel most deeply. For many of us, that means the joy feels brighter — and the sorrow feels sharper. That’s why the empty chair can be so hard to face.

But we get to choose what that chair represents. It doesn’t only have to hold silence. It can hold memory. It can hold gratitude. It can hold the presence of love that continues, even if life looks different now.

When I started shifting my focus from what was gone to how I could include Drew, the holidays began to feel more like connection than loss.

Memories as Gifts

One Christmas, instead of exchanging gifts, I asked my family to write down their favorite memories of Drew. On Christmas morning, we gathered around and read them aloud. There were tears, yes — but there was also laughter, joy, and a sense of closeness that no material gift could provide.

Those written memories became treasures. They sit in a box I can revisit anytime I want to feel him near. That year reminded me: sometimes the most meaningful gifts can’t be wrapped. They are given through story, through memory, through love.

Ways to Include Loved Ones in the Holidays

There are many ways to make space for those we miss — not as a reminder of what we’ve lost, but as a reminder of what still remains.

Here are a few ideas that can gently transform holiday traditions into moments of connection:

- Set a place of honor. Place a candle, photo, or small memento at the table to represent your loved one’s enduring presence.
- Incorporate their favorites. Serve their favorite dish, bake their favorite dessert, or play their favorite song during your gathering.
- Invite stories. Go around the table and ask each person to share a favorite memory, a quality they admired, or a way they still feel connected.
- Create keepsakes. Add an ornament to the tree each year that represents them. Over time, you’ll build a collection that grows with your family’s love.

These acts don’t erase the ache — but they weave it into something meaningful, transforming grief into connection.

Anchoring Ourselves

What has carried me through the holidays has been finding grounding practices — moments that remind me love is still present, even when loss is undeniable.

For me, that anchor is my faith. My belief in God and in Jesus has supported me through seasons when I felt like I couldn’t go on. My faith gives me hope that love doesn’t end, and that presence is eternal.

But I also know not everyone shares my beliefs. Many people find that same grounding through reflection, storytelling, meditation, or simple stillness. What matters is creating a pause — a space to acknowledge both the grief and the love, and to honor that both belong at the table.

Creating New Traditions

Grief has a way of reshaping traditions. Some old customs feel too painful to continue, while new ones emerge that carry both joy and remembrance. Creating new traditions doesn’t erase the past — it creates a way to carry love into the present.

Some families choose to:
- Make a donation in their loved one’s honor each year.
- Bake or cook something special they loved and share it with others.
- Begin a ritual of sharing gratitude before a meal, including gratitude for the life of the one they miss.

In my family, creating new traditions has given Drew a place in every holiday. He may not unwrap presents or sit at the table, but his presence is felt in the ways we choose to celebrate.

Choosing Love as the Focus

The holidays will always carry a mix of emotions for those who grieve. There will be laughter and there will be tears, and sometimes they’ll arrive together. But love has a way of holding both.

When we center our celebrations on love, the empty chair no longer feels like a void. It becomes a place of connection. A reminder that the story didn’t end — it continues in the way we live, remember, and celebrate.

Final Thoughts

If you’re facing an empty chair this holiday season, know that you don’t have to ignore it. You also don’t have to let it define the day with sorrow.

That chair can be filled with memory. With gratitude. With love.

Ask yourself: How do I want to include my loved one this year? The answer might change from season to season. Sometimes it’s a candle. Sometimes it’s a story. Sometimes it’s simply saying their name out loud and letting their presence be felt.

The empty chair doesn’t have to be empty at all. It can hold what grief cannot take away: love. And when we choose to honor that love during the holidays, we discover that even in grief, joy is still possible, connection is still real, and our loved ones are still with us.

Let’s Stay Connected!

I’d love to keep the conversation going. Whether you’re looking for free resources, inspiration, healing tools, or want to dive deeper through my courses and podcast — there’s a space for you here:

Wherever you are on your healing journey, know that you’re not alone.

Melissa Hull
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Carrying Love Into the Future: Rituals That Keep Us Connected